Honest LinkedIn Profile

• Pretty good at everything except Excel.
• Fast metabolism.
• Have never given a keynote, but have ideas and am probably capable.
• Good at convincing friends to take pictures for me while posing on conference stages.
• Extensive experience not reading all of my emails.
• Not going to make mistakes like thinking acumen is a spice (it’s not). It's a business thing and turns out either you have it or you don't.
• Proven fantasy football commissioner.
• Demonstrated ability to skip meetings with believable excuses.
• Over 25 years of spelling experience.
• Bravery.
• Exceptional MS Paint skills.
• Skilled at not biting off more than I can chew (knows when to hold knows when to fold).
• Above-average dancer.
• Proven reader (and comprehender).