Love as SFDC Dashboard: The Movie

Up until now, I didn't think A24 was capable of making a bad movie. But then I saw Materialists... and let me just say, WOOOOOOOOOF.

What a TERRIBLE movie. Like on every level, bad.

Not polarizing. Not misunderstood. Just bad.

I don't even know how to describe it much beyond that. It’s all just so weirdly flat. It was like watching these beautiful NPCs trying to simulate dating and romance while getting stuck in some sort of logic loop.

The dialogue was offensively bad – it felt like some sort of financial-bro erotic fanfiction. Dakota Johnson's character is this high-end matchmaker, and EVERY SINGLE line she delivers emphasizes this corny economics language... everything is salary figures, value metrics, unicorn nomenclature – if a Salesforce dashboard were a movie:

"She's high risk, low ROI."

"They have poor compatibility percentages."

"You've got 6 inches of heigh on him – double your valuation."

CRINGE. It's so scripted and rehearsed that the movie completely loses any sense of emotional realism. The LOVE-AS-A-MARKET schtick gets REALLY OLD, REALLY FAST. 

And no one is gonna convince me that this was satire. It's not (although it does feel like it could be sponsored by Salesforce... which honestly if this was some 4-dimensional sponsored content by Benioff that would be kind of sick). It's just a REALLY bad movie. 

The Shitification of Superhero Movies

Why do all superhero movies feel like airport food? Mass-produced, bland, and always somehow WORSE than you imagine.

I’m exhausted by the industrial shitification of superhero movies – the endless conveyor belt of MCU, DCU universe sludge being pumped out to the masses. 

The new Superman isn’t even a movie. It’s a glorified trailer for the next twelve. A corporate content unit — a meticulously focus-grouped little dopamine pellet, algorithmically optimized, and destined to be licensed into oblivion. Which, honestly, is working because I bought a Superman Slip N' Slide this weekend aaaaaand the Superman popcorn bucket (I AM NOT ABOVE THIS SHIT).

These movie narratives are no longer driven by character or theme — they are driven solely by IP management and quarterly earnings. And you feel that because there is LITERALLY no story here. Just a string of CGI set pieces, stitched together by awkward character introductions and a painfully obvious meme-bait dog built for TikTok virality.

And the worst part? These franchise movies don't end – they're a mere vehicle for endless setups for spin-offs, cameos, and crossovers no one asked for. There is never closure. Just the illusion of plot in service of perpetual content churn. 

It sucks. But what sucks more is how normalized it’s become. It’s not just that movies are getting dumber — it’s that we’re adjusting to it.

Fourth of July in Oregon

Steph in the iconic ASICS Gel Kayano 14  

"USA USA USA!"
Great photo of Sonny by Nic

Ask any local who makes the best drinks in town, and they will all say the "Screw and Brew." It is the only place where you can get a cocktail while you shop for new tools – very Oregon.

Stephanie Inn at Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon

Spent the entire week in my father-in-law's huge Dodge Ram truck blasting Toby Keith. Left the trip wanting a bigger car – now seriously considering the Z71 Tahoe.

The older I get, the more deeply I appreciate time spent with family. It's such a blessing to be able to go home and share a holiday.

Bob Dylan - It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
(Live at the Newport Folk Festival, 1965)

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you

Father's Day 2025. We went to the Broadmoor. Ate donuts. Fought dinosaurs. Your favorite color is purple. You have a walrus named "Wally" and a seal named "Sealy" that we play with at bath time. You tell everyone your name is "Butch." Tonight you asked me how snakes poop. I love you.

One day, I will have an immaculately organized, clean garage.

It's funny as you get older, the things you start to notice and appreciate more... like sealed garage flooring. This is the final frontier of adulthood. The rest of the home is so nice and dialed in that sealing your garage is all that is left. I really look forward to this stage of my life.

My garage is an absolute DISASTER. Embarrassingly so. It's basically one big storage unit. I avoid it at all costs.

I look forward to walking out into my garage one day — it smells clean, no dust, everything is organized — I look down at the floor and it’s just shining back at me, quietly saying, “you’ve made it… you can rest now.”

🎶 Elderberry Wine

When I first wrote about Wednesday back in early 2024, it was mostly in awe: how this band from Asheville was able to combine this sense of 90s nostalgia with this sort of country, distorted emotional wailing that just works so perfectly. They sounded like something between Big Thief, Phoebe Bridgers, and Snail Mail... but with a more of a country twang that made them an instant hit with me. 

With their latest release, Elderberry Wine, my love of the band ONLY DEEPENS! It’s a quieter song, more restrained than Bath County. Quarry, or Chosen to Deserve (one of my all time faves!), but it still carries that same hazy weight that triggers this deep sense of nostalgia – like driving past somewhere you used to live.

Wednesday is making the best music in America right now, and it feels like they represent this broader shift in indie music that’s circling back to sincerity, guitar solos, and emotional texture—what GQ recently dubbed the “New Golden Age of Dad Rock.” I am a Dad... and I love this music, so yeah.

They made their TV debut a few weeks back on Late Night with Stephen Colbert – watch here!

2025 DON.EARTH FATHER'S DAY GIFT GUIDE

Noah X Timex Collaboration
I get so many compliments about this watch. Steph got it for me for my birthday this past year, and people stop me all the time to admire it/ask about it. Everybody knows Timex, but not everybody knows about NOAH. A little background, NOAH is an American menswear brand founded by Brendon Babenzien. Before launching NOAH, Brendon was the former creative director of Supreme for 14 years where he shaped Supreme's identity, blending streetwear with elements of punk, hip-hop, and skate culture. In addition to NOAH, Babenzien is currently serving as the men's creative director at J.Crew.

Kirkland Socks

Best socks on the planet. Wear them every day. The official sock of the #1 destination for all fathers, Costco. You never gonna catch me without my Kirkys on!

Toyo Steel ST-350 Tool Box Orange
Look... I don't need a toolbox. I barely have any tools. The few that I have are somewhere in the garage and only get pulled out when my Father-In-Law is here to fix the things I don't know how to fix (which is everything). I AM COMPLETELY useless when it comes to anything tool and toolbox-related. Buuuuuuuuuut this toolbox is so cool. It's more like a sculpture. A piece of modern art. That's why it's proudly displayed on the bookshelf my incredibly handy and loving Father-In-Law built me to help me look smart and successful on all my lil' zoom computer calls. It's really full circle! Where do you get such a toolbox? The Museum of Modern Art, duh. It's ART!

ORSLOW 105 Straight Leg Denim

I spend way too much time thinking about and buying denim. As I mentioned in last year's gift guide, ORSLOW makes the best denim on the planet.

Nike Design Book
Actual Source Books partnered with Nike for No Finish Line, a book about how Nike thinks about design and the future. Cool book. Cool pictures.

Stussy Stock Water Short
The Pataonia baggies got a little tired. So this year I picked up the Stussy Water Short Stock. I think it's the perfect length swim short.

EBAY Finds!

I don't know why it's taken me so long to find out about this... but have you ever heard of eBay? This may be a problem because suddenly an entire universe of vintage Lacoste, Ralph Lauren oxfords, and Levis denim shirts has opened up to me. I have bought 3 shirts in the last 24 hours.